I fell in love with a Bumblebee

I fell in love with a bumblebee,
Though I don't know if he loves me.
But we know, both him and I -
That if he stung me, he would die.

I don't want someone I can live with... I want someone I cannot live without.

That was what Audrey and I were talking about in the car after we left Clastalia's wedding and were on our way to pick Violet.

When we settle down, are we just settling for second best, settling for the fact that there is no one out there who is better, settling for whatever we can get?

I'd like to think I know what I want in life and that everything will eventually fall into place - but some thoughts just scare me. Perhaps it was the way Audrey said it - with resignation. I don't necessarily agree with what she says.... but the fact that some people actually think this way, and that there MIGHT be some truth to it... is scary.

Scary thought #1: The one we love the most is often not the one we marry... The one we marry, is most often the one that we do not love (as much). Why do people marry, if not for love??? I simply cannot imagine myself in a love-less marriage. Audrey says don't marry the one you cannot live without, because if he leaves you, you will die. Just settle for someone you can live with - life will be much easier. The thought of my marriage being dispensable scares me.

She says after the one you really love breaks you heart, you will realize that maybe love isn't everything... Hence,

Scary thought #2: If the one you love does not treat you well, you'll be miserable. However, even if the one you do not love (as much) treats you well, you'll be miserable too. Therefore, it's better to be miserable with someone who treats you well. Somehow, this scares me. Are we supposed to choose between "love" and "treatment"??? Why does it seem highly impossible that I will meet a man I love, who will treat me well? She says it's reality, I think it's just hopelessness. This hopelessness I see in my friend scares me.

She explains,

Scary thought #3: If you fall in love deeply, you will get hurt. We should have reservations, even with the one we love. Otherwise, when they leave, we'll be broken and shattered. I agree to a certain extent. While it is ok to give all my heart, it is not ok to give all my life. She said she had given up her family, friends, education for the one she loved and when he left, she was ruined. Such devastation and damage the one we love and trust can cause scares me.

Scary thought #4: It's ok to be with someone less than perfect, and keep waiting for Mr.Right. This is freaky. I will not be with anyone unless I think he IS Mr. Right. Why settle for second best? But what if we never meet anyone better... and what we initailly THOUGHT was second best, was infact the best already? When do we stop waiting? When I fall in love, I expect it to be forever. She says I should stop living in my fantasy world... Never say 'forever' because a better guy might come along. Well, for me.. if I fall in love, I would at least believe it's with the best and to me, there will never be anyone better. The idea of love being so fickle scares me.

Isn't love supposed to be the most pure, simple and natural thing? Why has it become so corrupted, complicated, and confusing?


I don't ask for things to be simple... I just want someone who can make me fall in love and forget about all the complications that don't matter. I want to fall in love with a bumblebee who would never hurt me... for fear that if he did, he would die.

Ok, maybe I'm just a coward after all.