You'll never know how much I love you

You'll never know how much I love you...

It's true. I can never get enough of you - every second apart is like months or even years... I think about you all the time, and all I want to do is to be around you.

You give me the strength to stay awake even on the most tiring days when all I want to do is just crawl back into bed - you are like my morning coffee. You soothe my moods and allow me to relax and be myself and to smile even when the day has gone bad - you are like my evening cocktails.

There are many things I'll never know, like where we'll be in the future. Perhaps many will come and go, and perhaps we'll find another - but 1 thing I know for sure, is that the world will lose it's color without you. The entire world will seem to fade to black and white. You may think I'm exaggerating, but when the one you love isn't with you.... you just can't be bothered to take notice of anything else.

When I'm all by myself, you're the reason I am able to smile. When I'm sick, you're the reason I am able to muster all my strength to sit up in bed. When I am at my most down point, you're the reason I believe in a better day.

But I'm sorry. I'm fickle. I may have let you down and it may break your heart - but sometimes it's hard for me to choose. Each and everyone of you have a special place in my heart and I just can't let any of you go.

Perhaps holding onto all will eventually cause me to lose everything, and maybe when the deck is too heavy, the boat will sink. If that's the case, then let us perish together.....

This picture will always remind me of the wonderful times we've all had together, and it'll be enough.



This is my table in lecture. I think it's pretty obvious that I'm talking about my love for all things pink.

Over-doing it? Hardly. I feel most at ease when I'm surrounded by different shades of pink. And shoudn't we all do the things that make us happy?

A wise-guy (who shall not be named, but we'll just call him Aaron Yeo) once said, "Omg, you're like a bimbo.. but you're smart. Ok, I know - you have a princess complex! Everything around you have to be pink and pretty."

Bimbo? Princess? Haha. I'm just a Geek in the Pink!

(p/s: Look at my laptop screen... I'm actually typing lecture notes. If you REALLY zoom in, you will notice that the words are exactly the same as the ones on the big screen.)

Be Your Man

Ok, I've decided to be kind and translate this song for all of you who don't understand Mandarin - but believe me when I say the English translation doesn't do justice to the deep meaning the song holds in it's original form.

This is the closest I can get with the translation. Scroll down to watch the Music Video... the sweet melodious tune makes it less cheesy. Haha :)

东京纽约每个地点 (Dōngjīng Niǔyuē měige dìdiǎn)
带你去坐幸福的地下铁 (dài nǐ qù zuò xìngfú de dìxià tiě)

Be it Tokyo or New York, it doesn't matter where.
I'll take you for a ride on the subway to happiness.

散步逛街找电影院 (sànbù guàngjiē zhǎo diànyǐngyuàn)
累了我就帮你提高跟鞋 (lèi le wǒ jiù bāng nǐ tí gāogēnxié)

We could take a stroll, shop or look for a cinema.
And if you're tired, I'll hold your high-heel shoes.

塞车停电哪怕下雪 (sāichē tíngdiàn nǎpà xiàxuě)
每天都要和你过情人节 (měitiān dōu yào hé nǐ guò qíngrénjié)

Be it in traffic jams, black-outs, or even snow.
I could celebrate valentine's day with you any day.

星光音乐一杯热咖啡 (xīngguāng yīnyuè yī bēi rè kāfēi)
只想给你所有浪漫情节 (zhǐ xiǎng gěi nǐ suǒyǒu làngmàn qíngjié)

Star light, music, maybe even a cup of hot coffee.
I'll do all to create the romance for you.

让我做你的男人 (ràng wǒ zuò nǐ de nánrén)
二十四个小时不睡觉 (èr shí sì gè xiǎoshí bù shuìjiào)

Let me be your man,
I'll not sleep a wink.

小心翼翼地保持 (xiǎoxīnyìyì de bǎochí)
这种热情不退烧 (zhè zhǒng rèqíng bù tuì shāo)

I'll keep guard with all my heart,
Not to let the flame of passion burn out.

不管世界多纷扰 (bùguǎn shìjiè duō fēnrāo)
我们俩紧紧地拥抱 (wǒmen liǎ jǐnjǐn de yōngbào)

Let the world carry on in their commotion,
We'll just hold each other close.

隐隐约约我感觉有微笑 (yǐnyǐnyuēyuē wǒ gǎnjué yǒu wēixiào)
藏在你嘴角 (cáng zài nǐ zuǐjiǎo)

And then faintly, I shall see a smile,
play on the corners of your lips.

做你的男人 (zuò nǐ de nánrén)
二十四个小时不睡觉 (èr shí sì gè xiǎoshí bù shuìjiào)

I'll be your man,
and keep awake all through the night.

让胆小的你在黑夜中 (ràng dǎnxiǎo de nǐ zài hēiyè zhōng)
也会有个依靠 (yě huì yǒu gè yīkào)

So that if you ever get afraid in the darkness,
I can be there to comfort you.

就算有一天爱会变少 (jiù suàn yǒu yī tiān ài huì biàn shǎo)
人会变老 (rén huì biàn lǎo)

There may come a day where love falters,
and we'll age.

就算没告诉过你也知道 (jiùsuàn méi gàosu guò nǐ yě zhīdào)
下辈子还要和你遇到 (xià bèizi hái yào hé nǐ yùdào)

But it goes without saying,
that in my next lifetime, I'll want to do it all over again.

Cuteness comes in pairs

These pictures make me smile all the time :)

And I know it's physically impossible to control and decide - but I'm SO gonna have twins.

I don't care.

Be My Man

If you don't understand mandarin, too bad.

Sat in the car at the parking lot with violet, drinking Hooch, looking at stars and the Sentosa monorails and chatting.... And listening to this song.

Her: Bree, I just realized... I met S the same time you met J. We've been dating
different men since we became bestfriends and yet today, we're here just the 2
of us.
Me: People come and go in life, Vi. Men too. But bestfriends are forever.
Her: Yea. -passes me the bottle of hooch and takes a puff of her cigarette- I guess. WAit, did the guy (refering to the song) just say 'help you carry your high heel shoes'?
Me: Yea. (translating part of the lyrics) He said he'll take her for walks, shopping trips and to look for movie theatres... and if she gets tired, he'll carry her high heel shoes for her.
Her: Where to find such men, bree?
Me: Beats me. -gulps heavily on Hooch- If I knew I wouldn't be here, babe.

Hahaha. Depressing? Hardly. I've got my soulmate - what more can I ask for?

Ok, maybe the fictional guy in that song. IF he even exists.

I just called to say - I love you.

Whenever I hear those tunes that are so familiar to me, something tugs at my heart string and no matter how tough and strong I am on the outside, something crumbles inside. No matter how nonchalant and unmoved I appear to be, the little girl inside dances around.

Once in awhile, I like to shed the cloak that experiences and possibly 'wisdom' have thrown over me, and take the little girl out for a spin. Maybe just once, it's ok be vulnerable and weak - because in those familiar tunes, I feel warm and safe.

Say you, say me...

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

Many times we give our heart out to someone who takes it, holds it, rips it to pieces and leave whatever's left for you to mend. But sometimes some parts get lost... and after repeated tearing and ripping, you're not left with much. Then you try to hold on to whatever little bit that's left and you protect it with all your might, refusing to let anyone bite off a chunk again.

We broke up in April, yet I waited for him for 2 months. Until all my friends, tired and exasperated of seeing me tormenting myself and suffering (lack of sleep, not eating, crying so badly that violet had to meet me everyday to make sure I eat in front of her, and call me every night to talk to me till I doze off)... coaxed me and made me promise to give up and move on. That didn't really work, I would have waited forever if I could. It wasn't a bad ending, noone cheated on anyone, noone murder anyone's dog... we just got tired.

But what really made me give up (on that relationship and any in the near future), was his cold harsh words, his indifference, his actions (going out of the way to avoid me, ignoring me totally when we see each other at church each sunday, not so much as a cordial smile or hello). Perhaps if things were diferent, if he didnt say those things, act the way he did... or perhaps if I didn't see something that I saw (something that only my bestfriends know)... perhaps I might still be able to open the door to that special place in my heart.

But now it's wedged shut. I'll admit there's room in my heart for him and there always will be. But that door is pretty much locked for now.

I'll always love the Carrolls - they were kind to me. I'll never forget his mom, his older brother - Ian, who has been like an older brother to me too, even after the break up, his text messages provided comfort more than he realizes -"Hey, kiddo, study for your exams", "Don't worry too much, u'll be fine", "We'll always regard you as family"... I still hold them dear in my prayers.

Now, 3 months after all the hurt and pain, when I'm finally starting to piece back the pieces in my life and everything starts to seem complete again, when I'm able to look back on my time with him with a sad smile and say it was surreal, and let memories of him slowly fade - A text message on my PPP (pretty pink phone), which josh named joni:

"I just want u to know, that i've never loved someone as much as i have loved
you. No one can replace that. You're always special in my heart. Always."

I simply couldn't bring myself to reply.

After all, what can I say to that?

I like this.

Kinda cute in depressing sort of way. Kinda like me, don't you think? That even at my most depressing state, I still manage to make people laugh :) Maybe I have evolved into robot - that might actually be kinda cool.

Sang this song in church on Sunday and it really moved me:

Hide me now

Under your wings

Cover me

within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with you above the storm

Father you are king over the flood

I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know his power

In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with
you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still
and know you are God

After the laughter dies down and people part, what makes you genuinely smile?

When there's nothing more that you can say, may it's time to just be still and listen.

When you see an old couple walking silently beside one another, do you feel sad for them that they have nothing more to say to each other... or do you envy them that they're so close, nothing more needs to be said?

Lovely Men

Mahfudz gave me a brand new supply transport unit singlet today in class!
Alvin gave me his combat engineer one last week...

And my older sis and her bf just got home and he brought back 4 army singlets for me!!! Sister's bf is the Best!!! He's like the big brother I never had.
All different kinds too. I can just imagine the trouble he went to, to collect them from all his friends.

He was also super patient and sweet to me during my last break up when I would call him and cry over the phone for hours. He gives me great advice, plus he's wise and kind. (Sorry ladies, too bad he's taken! Hahaha!) I'm so glad to have him as part of our family. Thanks Yane!!!

Thanks Fudzy!!! Thanks Alvin!!!

Anymore kind hearted men out there???

-will take pictures and catalog my entire collection when i collect more-

You Belong To Me

Jaded maybe, but definitely not dead. After all, songs like these still make me melt.

Logan, The Sky Angel Cowboy

This really touched me. It's a live recording from a radio talkshow.. This little boy, Logan, calls in to a Christian radio station to speak with the DJ about something that happened to him.

I think we should take the time to listen to this. This little boy is wiser that many of us who are much older than him, and his child-like faith is something we should all have.

Enjoy!

Back from Bellini

at 4:37am

My love, Smile sweetly.
For the sweet rose of bellini.
Behold, it blooms with such awe and beauty.
So smile sweetly, my love.

My love, softly listen.
For the rose blooms only in season.
Maybe just once, we could defy all reason.
And listen so softly, my love.

My love, stay awhile longer.
For as long as the scent will linger.
We know can be no better singer,
So stay awhile longer, my love.

My love, it's time to go.
For all flowers wither, we know.
Just remember we'll always love you so,
And help us let go, my love.

Tonight, Tom Brown danced his last lap around the dance floor.
Amazingly, he shone like never before.

cheers, Tom. You're a winner.



-missing you loads!-

Doing my part for the environment

My latest hobby is collecting used army unit singlets...

please surrender them here :)

Name your price @ trytofindme@gmail.com

I missed home.

Back from the land of no toilet paper (they use paper towels there), of where green fairy is legal, and of wonderful beef cup noodles (with real huge chunks of beef in them *beg me for one, I brought back 20).

Got in at midnight and missed my bed so much, I decided to crash.

No pictures or blog posts for now (wonders how many of you notice the irony, since this is one), got an appointment with my beautician. She's missing me lots, apparently. Either that or she sensed my desperation over the phone - I had successfully managed to pluck out half of my eyelashes. Don't ask.

Damn, I think I've aged 10 yrs in 5 days. I'm even balding (on my eyelids). Argh.

Oh yea, really missed Singapore. More than I thought I would. Strange.

Kawaii.... or 'Kawa-EEEee, that's damn freaky!' ??

This cute, innocent, sweet young thing... is Miwako, a Taiwanese model.

In case you're wondering why my sudden interest in the act cute, 'kawaii' girl... the kind that I often mock for the lack of beauty or brains.. (of course I did not know any better because this one obviously found the secret to staying young).

And by young, I mean infancy. This 3-year old looking dolly is 22 years old! Amazingly shocking. Ok, I have to say I am intrigued..

Intrigued by the fact that any man short of a paedophile would find her remotely attractive. I mean, women do want to look young... but sometimes, we have to acknowledge the existance of the concept - 'taking it too far'.

Apparently, Alvin decided to scare me on MSN 10 hours before my flight to Taiwan.

Alvin:
hahah
see this
bree!!!:
ehhh u say jer is tiko pek
u more tiko right
looking at peodophiliac pics
Alvin:
no
she is 22 and i just saw it at forum
i think it is scary and not remotely attractive
how is that being tiko

bree!!!:
now im damn scared lah
later i go
taiwan
infested with *** **** *** people like that (** sensored coz I remember I'm going there, and I don't wanna offend taiwan people later I wont be able to come back in one piece)
Alvin:
ahhah
good luck to you

Ok, scary... or attractive??? I'm sure if she's a famous model, she must have a huge fan base... are most of her fans made up of paedophiliac, balding old men? Or is the "ideal age" of women just getting younger and younger???

Hehe, Ok. Just some last terrifying thoughts before I leave. Goodbye, my babies!

The crazy virus that feeds on social lives.

Supposed to go Bellini again with Violet and Kieran... but plans cancelled coz I *croak* lost my voice.

(Yes, fudz.. I know you warned me last night at supper about drinking that milo dinosaur. Stop gloating now.)

I thought we could all hang out again before I left for Taiwan on Friday... but apparently can't, coz I gotta spend most of tomorrow packing my lugguage.

Oh well, Monday was great anyway (a little too great, since I evidently lost my voice after that night)... and we took lots of pictures at Bellini over the weekend so I've got fond memories to bring with me when I'm at Taiwan....

Speaking of which... awww.. I almost don't wanna go now... Been talking to my friends on MSN:

This is Ning, the meanie who everyone thought was void
of emotions...

bree!!!:
u wan anything frm taiwan?
Ning -:
i wan... u to come back safe and sound.
bree!!!:
awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Ning -:
wat awww
i have everything i need right here
but
by friday
ill be missing a best fren half around the world

And here's Kieran, the part-English
not-so-gentleman

Kieran:
I called Vi just now and we decided
we'll wait for you to come back then we'll parrrtaaeee
we figure you better rest up now before the trip
so you'll be
gd as new =)
bree!!!:
i miss u
guyssssss
Kieran:
Aww...I miss you
truckloads!
cheer up though k?
We'll wait for u!
day after tmr i can't
believe it...so fast!
x.x

Ok, shall not say more since I've lost my voice (now, don't be a wiseass and say that there's no relation since I'm typing and not speaking on my blog).

Oh, anyone else wants anything from Taiwan???